


Alive, and that's Enough for Now

by pavlikovskyslittlebird



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt, boreo - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Amsterdam, Boris - Freeform, Boris POV, Canon Divergent, Christmas, Drugs, Hotels, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Netherlands, Overdosing, Painting, Rewrite, Stressful, Suicide Attempt, The Goldfinch, Vomiting, Winter, boreo, boris pavlikovsky pov, hotel room, movie, scene, theo - Freeform, theo is self destructive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pavlikovskyslittlebird/pseuds/pavlikovskyslittlebird
Summary: A scene rewrite of the Amsterdam hotel scene (movie) from Boris' perspective.The Amsterdam hotel scene is one of the only scenes in the movie that I felt was more emotionally impactful than in the book because Boris finds Theo and basically saves his life, instead of Theo waking up alone. I wanted to explore how I think Boris would have felt finding Theo after his suicide attempt.
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	Alive, and that's Enough for Now

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for implied suicide attempt and vomiting.

"Ah. So far away."   
Boris grumbled as he stepped out of the second elevator and started down the long hall towards Theo's hotel room.   
He'd texted Theo a few times on his way to the hotel. 

[Potter! Happy Christmas!]

[Potter! Got surprise 4 u! B there soon]

[Better b awake]

[Sleepy Potter. Going 2 sleep thru Christmas]

[Don't want 2 dig out room key. Open door in 5?]

Boris rolled his eyes fondly as he made it to Theo's hotel room door and knocked loudly. 

"Potter! Open up, is me!"

Boris pulled his phone from his back pocket and checked the screen, no messages.  
He frowned and pressed his ear to the door. 

"Oi! Potter. Open door, дa?"

Boris grumbled as he reached down to pull off one of his boots where he'd tucked the spare room key. 

"Seriously, Potter. Rude to leave me in the hall on Christmas." Boris chuckled as the lock clicked and he shoved the door open.

He walked into the room as he tucked the room key in his back pocket.   
"Potter? You awa--"  
Boris stopped mid step when he saw Theo laying on the rumpled hotel bed, full dressed in his old suit, mouth parted slightly and head lolling to the side. 

"Fuck." Boris' heart raced as leaned against the bed, over Theo's body and pressed his fingers to his neck.  
Theo's pulse pattered faintly like soft rain against his finger tips. 

"Блядь!"  
Boris tucked his arms under Theo to try and get him to sit. 

"Potter! Hey. Ну же! Come on! Пожалуйста не умирай."   
Boris' voice was strangled as Theo's body sagged in his arms, dead weight. He hefted Theo up into his grasp and dragged him off the bed.   
He stumbled across the hotel room to the en suite and practically fell to the tile floor, Theo in his lap, head falling back against his chest. 

"Come on Potter. Please." Boris propped Theo up in front of the toilet, holding him tight.   
"Please---Theo." Boris whispered as he stuck his fingers in Theo's mouth and down his throat to urge his to throw up. 

Theo's body convulsed in his arms, but otherwise remained unresponsive, whatever he'd taken refusing to leave his system. 

"Theo please. Ты мне нужен." He stuck his fingers down Theo's throat again, his heart racing and hands clammy with panic. 

Theo shook in his grasp again, his body still not responding to Boris' touch.   
Tears welled in Boris' eyes as he tried again, shoving his fingers down Theo's throat over and over, trying to get his body to respond. 

"пожалуйста! Theo-- please." His voice cracked as he pulled his fingers back. 

He held Theo tight against his chest and wiped his hand on his pants before reaching up to check his pulse again.   
Faint. Soft. Fading.   
His fingers fumbled clumsily as he worked to loosen Theo's tie, brushing his finger tips against the cold skin of his throat. He sniffed and swallowed hard, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve. 

"Come on Theo. Please.. пожалуйста, ты мне нужен."  
He leaned Theo over the toilet again and forced his fingers down his throat one last time. 

"не оставляй меня."  
He held him tighter to his chest.

"пожалуйста Theo... for me?" his whispered brokenly as Theo's body convulsed in his arms again.   
"Theo please-- I didn't get to tell you..."

A choked coughing sound cut Boris off as Theo's body responded to his touch. Boris shoved himself up to support Theo better as he coaxed him to be sick. 

"God, Theo. Thank God." Boris gasped, eyes wide, as Theo retched.   
Theo's body still rested heavily against his own, but he rubbed his hand gently up and down his back as he threw up the things poisoning his system.   
"There you go, Theo. Get it all out." Boris whispered encouragingly, trying not to focus on how badly Theo was shaking under his touch. 

Theo leaned heavily against the toilet when he finished retching and Boris brushed his hair back off his sweaty forehead. 

"Hey. I have got you моя любовь." Boris tucked his hand under Theo's cheek to turn his head towards him.  
"I have got you Theo. But we've gotta get you up."

Theo's half-open eyes were bloodshot and watery, his skin pale and clammy, his hands shaking and lip trembling.   
Boris grabbed a handful of toilet paper and wiped Theo's mouth. 

"Come on, Potter. Up you get." Boris tucked his hands under Theo's arms and lifted him to a wobbly standing position. 

Theo groaned in protest, but Boris tucked Theo's arm over his shoulder and held his weight as they stumbled through the hotel room.   
"Got to walk, Potter. Come on."

Boris practically carried Theo down the empty halls of the hotel, stumbling in and out of elevators and through the deserted lobby, out into the snowy streets.   
Thick flakes fell against their faces as Boris stumbled under Theo's weight and begged him to walk. 

"Come on Potter. Lift the feet. One at a time. I have got you."  
Boris held his weight for three blocks before Theo started to move his feet properly.

"Good Potter! Keep going, come on."  
Theo stumbled along for a few more blocks, breathing heavy as he held tight to Boris' arm for support. 

"Boris--" Theo's voice sounded crackly and sore, a cloud of heaving breath escaped his lips in the cold. 

"Potter?" Boris stopped and turned to face Theo, gripping both of his arms to hold him steady in front of him. 

"I'm sorry." 

It was barely a whisper, and Boris' chest felt tight as he took in the utter brokenness of Theo's expression. 

"Hey." Boris cupped his cheek with one hand, heartbeat picking up as Theo leaned into his touch, his cheeks still cold and clammy.   
"Is okay. You are here... you are alive. Is all that matters. We worry later, talk later."

"But--"

"No. No but. Is all okay for now." Boris told him sternly. He let the pad of his thumb brush over Theo's jaw. 

"Okay." Theo looked down at the sidewalk, snow and slush caked against their shoes and soaked the hems of their pants.   
"I'm cold."

Boris huffed a surprised laugh and pulled Theo against his body, wrapping his arms around him protectively.   
"Let us get warm. Come on."

Boris kept both arms wrapped around Theo as they awkwardly walked down the block to a cafe on the corner.   
They stopped out front of the cafe and Theo turned in Boris' arms to face him. 

"Hey." Theo mumbled, looking at Boris with an unreadable expression on his pale face.

"Yes. Hi Potter." Boris grinned at him, his eyes watery from a swell of emotion and the cold wind blowing against his skin. 

"Thank you."

Boris' lips parted slightly and he sighed, his face softening. 

"Theo--"

Theo leaned in and placed a quick kiss to Boris' cheek, his lips were cold and chapped against his flushed skin.

"Thank you." He said again as he pulled back and looked at Boris, his bloodshot eyes watering profusely. 

Boris cupped his cheek again softly. "Of course, Potter. Я люблю тебя."

Theo sniffled and reached down to grab Boris' hand as they walked into the cafe. 

"Yeah," he said softly. "I love you too."


End file.
